"Forgiveness is a decision which requires the commitment to make that same decision all over again when the hurt is stirred up afresh."That was my last *tweet* on twitter last night; it was the most succinct way I could put what I'd been thinking and praying about yesterday. (Twitter's 140-character limit is a great brain-stretching exercise for this loquacious gal, by the way.)
I've written about forgiveness before. It's something I've been learning a great deal about in the last four or five years, and I'm still learning. If you've never read this post, please do so. I guess I'd call it "Part One" of my thoughts on forgiveness.
Several years ago, the Lord gave me a huge revelation about the nature of forgiveness. Briefly, that my unwillingness to forgive was as if I was saying I was somehow better or smarter than God because He had been willing to forgive me. That brought me to my knees and brought about a big change in my heart. The process of forgiving others was gradual: first I had to ask the Lord to help me want to forgive; then I chose to forgive as an act of obedience; finally, I began to feel the healing that forgiveness brings. Once I'd gone through this grueling process, I thought it I was done. But the Lord had more to teach me.
Several times recently, including yesterday, something happens that stirs back up old hurt. My human reaction is to get angry all over again for the hurts I've been reminded of. I learned some time ago, though a whole lot of prayer, to control my tongue, lest it set me afire (James 3:6), and I'm thankful the Lord continues to give me the self-control to not say the things that come to mind. But that freshly stirred hurt opens the door to let the unforgiveness back in. Then I remember... Oh, yeah; I already forgave that. I have the choice, at that time, to recommit to my decision to forgive, or to let the poison of unforgiveness seep back in. Though it is painful, I make that commitment again. And then, just as soon as I have a chance to be alone, I spend some time talking to God, telling Him how much it hurts, asking Him to help me forget, to heal the pain, and to never let me become one of the many people who get so caught up in their own hurt that they don't realize how much pain they cause others.
If there is any hurt in your past or present that you haven't forgiven, I encourage you to do so. Sometimes it seems like the hardest thing you could ever do, but unforgiveness truly is a poison to the heart and soul, and it will continue to grow until it chokes out everything good. Christ can do nothing good through you when your heart and soul is choked by unforgiveness. I've seen people who have tried to live like that, and it is a horrible, painful way to go through life. Ask the Lord to help you; He is the expert when it comes to forgiveness, and He will be delighted to help you.
