This book is one of those that required me to spend a little time "chewing" on what I'd just read, so I took it just a bit at a time. The part about how we view children really got me thinking, and since the time I read that, I've had the opportunity to listen and observe people in various situations and gatherings in regards to what they say and how they feel about kids. I did not make a point of noticing these things, but comments and conversations seem to keep catching my ear and sending my thoughts immediately back to Voddie's statement: When did we begin to hate children?
I recently heard a mom plainly state that her youngest was "a mistake." That statement has always driven me batty. Not every child is planned, and not every pregnancy is received as a joyous blessing, but once that child is here, what difference does it make whether or not its conception was planned? It's completely irrelevant and statements like that most likely make the child feel as if his/her life has little value. (This child in this instance was certainly old enough to understand the statement.)
Friends who have more than what seems to be the culturally accepted one to three children have told me stories of the outlandish things said to them when they were expecting their fourth or fifth child. Here in blogland, the mom of a large family shares some of the things people have asked, like "Are they all yours?" or "Don't you know what causes that?" or "How can you possibly handle all those kids?" Why does our culture think it's so terrible to have a large family?
Many of us have bought into the lie that we have to have a certain size home to allow for a certain number of children, as well as a big SUV emblazoned with stickers from our college of choice. Why? My mom shared a room with two sisters until the day she moved out of her parent's house. Her family had one car, and they managed to get to and from school, extra-curricular activities, church and church activities, grocery shopping and errands, and her father's job all with one car. Ken's dad shared a tiny bedroom with his brother right up until he joined the Marines. I recently read a book set in the 1940's where three sisters shared a bed; two sleeping in one direction, and the third (they took turns) sleeping in the middle with her head at the foot of the bed. Why do we think that's so awful these days? Perhaps it is not the most comfortable way to live but does the eternal salvation of our children or their walk with Christ depend upon how nice our home is, what college they attend, or even IF they attend college?
Still others of us have fallen victim to believing that being a full-time mom is something to apologize for; that we need a degree and a good job to be of value. But what profession is more demanding, more rewarding, and more important than shaping the lives of people who have the potential to affect our society for better or for worse. And why isn't it culturally acceptable for our daughters, even the really bright ones, to aspire to be keepers of the home, helpmeet to their husbands, and to disciple their children? It is a high and noble calling, not one to be ashamed of!
I can't count how many times I've heard moms say they are "done having kids." I understand that pregnancy is different for every woman, and please, please know that I am not speaking to anyone who has serious health issues related to pregnancy; I know there are definitely some medical conditions that cause doctors to caution certain women against having more children. Last week we had another NILMDTS session; the baby was one of a set of twins, the other twin had died a few weeks prior, and this was after six years of trying to get pregnant. How heartbreaking! When I hear people complain about pregnancy, or say that their kids are driving them crazy and they are ready to send them back to school, I think of this heartbroken and grieving couple who would give anything to have a healthy child.
What I have come to realize is that some "culturally acceptable" things like abortion are blatantly anti-child, but there are so many other ways this is evidenced as well. It's clear that our culture does not view children as the blessing the Bible tells us they are, and that breaks my heart. I believe it breaks God's heart, too.
