Prioritizing Loving

Consider this quote:

"The marriage comes first. All other people and events come after the marriage. Children, parents, work, and play all benefit most by marital priority instead of marital sacrifice, because the marriage is the central unit to all other processes. If it is true that we reap what we sow, then marriages are in big trouble... If we put as much time in our working as we allow for our loving, we would end up unemployed or bankrupt."

Only in recent years did I truly begin to understand that I must prioritize my marriage over my children. I failed once before at marriage, so I can speak from both experience on both sides. Do you prioritize the time you put into loving, above the time you put into housework, or meal-planning, or working outside the home? Do you prioritize the time you put into loving, above the time you put into housework, or meal-planning, or working outside the home? For me -- and maybe for a lot of other moms -- that doesn't come naturally, but getting things in the wrong order just will not work in the long run.

I just finished reading a book called Intimate Issues. The title sounds like you must have "issues" in order to benefit from reading, and it does cover some heavy topics, but the main point of the book is to teach what God's word has to say about the gift of physical intimacy in the context of marriage.
             
[In case you haven't figured it out by now, this post is mostly about sex; just a warning if you're uncomfortable with the topic, though I promise not too go in depth! After all, my daughters often read my blog!]

Too many women (and men, probably!) don't realize the importance of sex in marriage: for bonding; for comfort in times of stress or grief; for protection from temptation; for procreation; and for just plain enjoyment! We've bought into what the world has to say about it, and we've allowed the world's ideas to taint what should be an amazing gift.

I want my kids to understand God's view of sex, too. Growing up, my mom made sure I knew the basics about sex. Church made it clear that I shouldn't have sex before marriage because it was a sin.  In sex-ed class (public school), I learned that if I had sex, I should be careful so I didn't get pregnant or catch an STD.  But NEVER, in all of this, did I learn the why of waiting 'til marriage; I never learned that it was a fantastic gift that God invented, and doing it outside of marriage meant missing out on amazing blessings, and throwing away what was intended to be a gift from me to my husband. I believed the world's lies and distortions of truth. I don't want my kids falling into that trap. Yesterday Lindsey heard something Ken and I said about the homework from a marriage retreat: to have sex with your spouse.  She said that was "too much information" because she didn't want to think about "old people 'doing it'" -- and she meant some friends our age! I told her sex is a good thing, and a big part of a happy marriage. Our marriage-enrichment-teaching friends say they have a goal of grossing out their kids out at least once a week with their shows of physical affection; even though the kids may gag and roll their eyes, they love seeing their parents in love, and it models what marriage should look like even after twenty-something years! This couple makes loving each other a priority in many ways, including scheduling a hotel date once a month for a romantic overnight rendezvous -- and I should mention that they are parents to five kids, ranging in age from two to seventeen! I love the example they set!

In general, I think Christians are beginning to do a better job of teaching purity, and the reasons behind it, but sometimes we focus so much on the don't-do-it aspects of sex that we neglect the flip-side: that in the proper context, it is good and meant to be enjoyed! We tend to be so uncomfortable discussing things like with our kids that they end up thinking that we have only "done it" often enough to equal the number of children we have! I'm still uncomfortable discussing this with the girls, but the more we talk about it, the less awkward it gets.

Life should be a continual learning process; I will never know all there is to know on any subject, so this is another area of life where I want to learn and grow. The fact is, any growth in this area will not only bless me, but will also bless my husband and strengthen my marriage, which is also always a benefit to my children!

Blessing or Burden?

I've been reading, and thinking, and listening, and thinking, and observing, and thinking. In my first completed "good read" of 2010, Family Driven Faith, author Voddie Baucham, Jr asks this question: When did we [our culture] begin to hate children?

This book is one of those that required me to spend a little time "chewing" on what I'd just read, so I took it just a bit at a time. The part about how we view children really got me thinking, and since the time I read that, I've had the opportunity to listen and observe people in various situations and gatherings in regards to what they say and how they feel about kids. I did not make a point of noticing these things, but comments and conversations seem to keep catching my ear and sending my thoughts immediately back to Voddie's statement: When did we begin to hate children?

I recently heard a mom plainly state that her youngest was "a mistake." That statement has always driven me batty. Not every child is planned, and not every pregnancy is received as a joyous blessing, but once that child is here, what difference does it make whether or not its conception was planned? It's  completely irrelevant and statements like that most likely make the child feel as if his/her life has little value. (This child in this instance was certainly old enough to understand the statement.)

Friends who have more than what seems to be the culturally accepted one to three children have told me stories of the outlandish things said to them when they were expecting their fourth or fifth child. Here in blogland, the mom of a large family shares some of the things people have asked, like "Are they all yours?" or "Don't you know what causes that?" or  "How can you possibly handle all those kids?" Why does our culture think it's so terrible to have a large family?

Many of us have bought into the lie that we have to have a certain size home to allow for a certain number of children, as well as a big SUV emblazoned with stickers from our college of choice. Why? My mom shared a room with two sisters until the day she moved out of her parent's house. Her family had one car, and they managed to get to and from school, extra-curricular activities, church and church activities, grocery shopping and errands, and her father's job all with one car. Ken's dad shared a tiny bedroom with his brother right up until he joined the Marines. I recently read a book set in the 1940's where three sisters shared a bed; two sleeping in one direction, and the third (they took turns) sleeping in the middle with her head at the foot of the bed. Why do we think that's so awful these days? Perhaps it is not the most comfortable way to live but does the eternal salvation of our children or their walk with Christ depend upon how nice our home is, what college they attend, or even IF they attend college?

Still others of us have fallen victim to believing that being a full-time mom is something to apologize for; that we need a degree and a good job to be of value. But what profession is more demanding, more rewarding, and more important than shaping the lives of people who have the potential to affect our society for better or for worse. And why isn't it culturally acceptable for our daughters, even the really bright ones, to aspire to be keepers of the home, helpmeet to their husbands, and to disciple their children? It is a high and noble calling, not one to be ashamed of!

I can't count how many times I've heard moms say they are "done having kids." I understand that pregnancy is different for every woman, and please, please know that I am not speaking to anyone who has serious health issues related to pregnancy; I know there are definitely some medical conditions that cause doctors to caution certain women against having more children. Last week we had another NILMDTS session; the baby was one of a set of twins, the other twin had died a few weeks prior, and this was after six years of trying to get pregnant. How heartbreaking! When I hear people complain about pregnancy, or say that their kids are driving them crazy and they are ready to send them back to school, I think of this heartbroken and grieving couple who would give anything to have a healthy child. 

 What I have come to realize is that some "culturally acceptable" things like abortion are blatantly anti-child, but there are so many other ways this is evidenced as well. It's clear that our culture does not view children as the blessing the Bible tells us they are, and that breaks my heart. I believe it breaks God's heart, too.

Crazy in Love...

Have you ever been in love?

Maybe you weren't as corny as this couple, but I'd venture a guess that most of us have, at some point in our lives, acted like goofballs because of how we felt about that special someone. Maybe it was sacrificing sleep to spend a little extra time together, or spending a ridiculous amount of time on the phone just to hear your true love's voice. Maybe it was spending extravagant sums of money to lavish gifts upon your loved one. Or maybe just feeling all swoon-ish when they're near.

I like country music, but haven't listened to it much lately. On the way to Florida, however, we kept losing radio channels and having to find new ones, and we listened to a good bit of country. A song I liked came on; it's about how this fellow is acting because he is head-over-heels in love:

What a beautiful mess!
What a beautiful mess I'm in.
Spendin' all my time with you,
There's nothin' else I'd rather do.
What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in.
'Cause I can't get enough,
Can't stop the hunger for your love.
What a beautiful, what a beautiful mess I'm in.

I've been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and I've been challenged by what God is showing me through it. Every chapter leaves me with a lot to think about, but one particular thing I'm spending a great deal of time thinking about what it means to be in love with Christ. As I listened to that country song, I remembered when Ken and I were newly in love, then I started thinking that being in love with Christ should be that way, too. Do I have a hunger for Him, for His love? Do I crave more and more time with Him? Would I really rather be with Him than do anything else?

Ponder this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there? (Quoted from John Piper)

If we are truly in love with Christ, that would NOT be enough. I guess the thing to really think about is whether we do what we do out of a feeling of obligation,  or maybe out of a desire to get something in return for our good works. Or is it truly because of a passionate love for Christ?

I want to be consumed with Christ. I want to love passionately, and that means not only loving God that way, but loving others that way, too. I can't claim to love God, but refuse to love the people He created, even the annoying, hard-to-get-along-with people.
I want to love hard.

Heaven

Kathryn and I recently finished reading Tell Me About Heaven by Randy Alcorn. We absolutely loved the gorgeous illustrations by Ron DiCianni. I'd heard of this book, and I love what I've previously read from Randy Alcorn, so I was glad to find this in the library at our church. We checked it out the Sunday after my grandfather passed away, and took our time reading through it that week.

The story is of a little boy who goes to stay for a visit with his grandfather not long after his grandmother has passed away. The boy, Joel, has many questions about heaven, and what has happened to his grandmother, and if he'll ever see her again. His grandfather gently helps him through those questions. It's a beautiful, sweet story, with scripture throughout. The only criticism I have heard of this book is that it may not be 100% accurate in it's use of scripture. But I don't think that at all; every time there is something open to interpretation, the grandfather says something like, "Well, I think that means..." or "The Bible says [such and such], so maybe..." The author never claims to know everything about heaven, and I think he's careful to show that. I made a point of explaining to Kathryn that the only things we can know for sure are what the Bible specifically tells us, and we won't know the rest until we get there, but this gives us a great idea of what heaven might be like.

Knowing what a strong man my Grandaddy always was, and how feeble he had become, particularly this past year, I was very touched by the part of the story when the grandfather tells Joel this: "If I ever can't get out of bed or can't think straight... that's just a temporary condition. Don't ever think I'm past my peak. I'll never pass my peak, Jake. The strongest and healthiest I've ever felt is just a hint of what I'll be in the resurrected body on the New Earth. The best is yet to come..."

In Grandaddy's last days, he said there was a man standing in the corner of his room, and we believe it was an angel. Grandaddy kept reaching towards heaven asking my aunts to help him "open that door." Kathryn and I liked the part of this story where the grandfather says that Joel's grandmother was probably taken to heaven by angels, like the beggar Lazarus in Luke 16:22: "The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side." We like to think about that angel in Grandaddy's room opening that door to heaven and carrying him to meet Jesus face to face.

We loved this beautiful book and would both recommend reading it with your children. I think reading it aloud together is a good idea, so you can explain to them that this may not be exactly how everything is in heaven, but it could be. I love that it also opens discussion about how we can be sure we're saved, and that we should be living for the Lord now while we're on earth so that we can someday stand before Him and hear,

"Well done, my good and faithful servant; enter into your master's joy."

What a joy it is for me to know that my Grandaddy heard those beautiful words from his Saviour. I know the Lord has saved me and that I will be with Him one day, and I'm trying to live in a way that pleases Him. I pray that you, too, will someday hear those wonderful words.

The Noticer

I recently read The Noticer by Andy Andrews, and I absolutely loved it! The main character is an old man who calls himself a "noticer." His gift is in noticing the details and helping people get a new perspective on their lives.

The Noticer asks a man this question: If there are five seagulls sitting on a pier, and one of them decides to fly away, how many are left? The man (and most of us, probably) answered "four." But that's not the correct answer. There are still five seagulls. That seagull can decide to fly away, can think about flying away, can talk to his friends about how great it is to fly, and can make plans to fly away, but until he actually takes flight, he's no different than the others. Too many times I've decided to make a change, but my good intentions haven't gotten me anywhere. How 'bout you?

What a gift it is to be a noticer! So many of us go through life with blinders on, oblivious to everything that doesn't directly concern us. The great thing is, this gift of being a noticer is not something we're either born with or not; we can become noticers! I want to be a noticer. I want to pay attention to the details in life, to all the things--big and small--that the Lord is doing in my life and the lives of those around me. I want to notice when a friend isn't herself and needs to talk. I want to notice how my husband responds to the things I do or say so that I can become more of an encourager to him. I don't want to miss all the miracles that happen every day. Those apple blossoms that just opened? How did they know exactly when to blossom? It's a miracle, and I'm glad I noticed!

Hmm... this sounds suspiciously like living intentionally--something I am striving to do, but still learning. Like the Noticer in this story, I want to plant seeds in the lives of others--and then stand back and notice how God makes those seeds grow (1 Cor. 3:6-9).

A Few More Books

I seem to go in spurts with my reading. I'll have a bunch of other things going on and will neglect my stack o' books, and then I'll read a few one right after another. I often have more than one book going at a time. Maybe a nice little fiction novel, something Bible studyish, perhaps something related to homeschooling, and usually at least one gardening or photography magazine in the stack. A few of my recent reads are:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. (Thanks for the suggestion, Kim!) It's not an exciting storyline, and it isn't the most well-written book I've ever read, but for some reason I really enjoyed it. I think's it's because I enjoyed being immersed in the main character's life as she grows up in the poor area of Brooklyn in the early 1900's. It's fiction, but based loosely upon the author's own childhood.

The Gate of Heaven by Gilbert Morris. It's a fictional account of the life of Jacob, and part of a series about the great patriarchs of the Old Testament. I love historical fiction, especially good Biblical fiction. Though much creative license is used in the story, these "coulda happened" scenarios get me thinking of Biblical folks as real people with emotions and lives beyond what God chose to include in His Word. It gets me looking up passages in my own Bible, to clarify what is actually in the Bible and what has been added to the story. In The Gate of Heaven, for instance, Dinah's story continues beyond what we learn of her in the Bible. As I re-read the passage about her in Genesis, I realized that I'd missed quite a few details previously!

No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. Loved it. I like something deep with some humor thrown in. (Along those lines: If you've never read Dave Crowder's Praise Habit, I encourage you to do so; he switches from the hilarious to the profound fast enough to give you whiplash. I literally laughed out loud reading that book!) Anyway, Kelly's book had me giggling a few times, but the main reason I loved it is that it's really got me thinking about whether or not I've truly surrendered every part of my life to Christ. I love this line in the last chapter:

"And that is the ultimate purpose of tracing our actions and emotions to our idols, discovering them, and turning from them--not so we can merely be idol-free, but so our lives may be spacious places for God to dwell and move. It is all about making room for him."

Amen! I want to give God access to every nook and cranny of my heart, but having just one teeny, tiny idol will keep that from happening. The author has also written a "Living Room Series" Bible study by the same name, and I want to check into doing that study with a group of friends sometime soon.

I always welcome more good book suggestions, both fiction and non-fiction!

Good Reads in 2009

C.S. Lewis said, "You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." My sentiments, exactly! I'm always a little sad to come to the end of either one because books are my friends.

I don't waste time reading books I don't enjoy, so I allow two chapters for a book to prove itself a "good read." If I'm not drawn in by the end of the second chapter, I don't bother reading the rest of the book. I'd recommend any book here on my list. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have read it.

A couple of years ago I decided I'd like to keep a list of books I've read, but I'd start a list, then end up forgetting where I put it or I'd just forget to update it. It'll be easier to keep up with here on my blog, so this post will serve as my running list of books already read in 2009. (Hee, hee--"already read" sounds funny, but I'm leaving it that way on purpose, because I'm a goofball.)

I'm always looking for more good reads, so I'd love some suggestions!

1. Believing God - Beth Moore
2. Searching for God Knows What - Donald Miller
3. The Great House of God - Max Lucado
4. When Crickets Cry - Charles Martin
5. Chasing Fireflies - Charles Martin
6. For the Tough Times - Max Lucado
7. I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris
8. Same Kind of Different as Me - Ron Hall & Denver Moore
9. Where the River Ends - Charles Martin
10. The Blessing - John Trent/Gary Smalley
11. The Perfect Life - Robin Lee Hatcher
12. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith
13. The Gate of Heaven - Gilbert Morris
14. This Side of Heaven - Karen Kingsbury
15. Beyond Survival - Diana Waring
16. Boy Meets Girl - Joshua Harris
17. The Noticer - Andy Andrews
18. Dogwood - Chris Fabry
19. She Always Wore Red - Angela Hunt
20. Dream When You're Feeling Blue - Elizabeth Berg
21. A Voice in the Wind - Francine Rivers
22. Tune In: Hearing God's Voice Through the Static - Jen Hatmaker
23. Ten Lies and Ten Truths - Parker Hudson
24. Before Green Gables - Budge Wilson
25. Eight Cousins - Louisa May Alcott
26. An Echo in the Darkness - Francine Rivers
27. A Child Called It - Dave Pelzer
28. The Lost Boy - Dave Pelzer
29. First Born - Robin Lee Hatcher
30. Fearless - Max Lucado
31. Wrapped in Rain - Charles Martin
32. Reaping the Harvest - Diana Waring
33. Crazy Love - Francis Chan
34. Lies Women Believe - Nancy Lee DeMoss
35. Traveling Light - Max Lucado
36. Ribbon of Years - Robin Lee Hatcher
37. Where the Red Fern Grows - Wilson Rawls
38. Adopting the Hurt Child - Gregory Keck
39. Castaway Kid - R.B. Mitchell
40. Reclaiming Surrendered Ground - Jim Logan
    

(List updated as I finish reading each book.)

It's an Action Verb Kind of Day!

It's Valentine's Day, and that seems like the perfect time to share a few thoughts about love. God's been teaching me about love lately! I believe He's showing me these things largely because of what He wants us to know before we adopt, but if I truly take these things to heart, they should prompt me to love everyone better!

Recently, I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and was surprised to find that I really liked the book and there was quite a bit in there that applies to all types of relationships, whether they be romantic, family, friends, or so forth. One question that made me think: Do I love others sacrificially, or just for what I get out of the relationship? The way Jesus loved is how we're supposed to love others, and he laid down his life for us! That makes me re-evaluate how I treat my husband, my friends, my family--and the kids we'll adopt. Being their mom will be a blessing, but it's really not about how easy or how hard my life may become.

I love this parable sort of thing that Joshua Harris (the author) gives: When a model puts on a designer's outfit, if that outfit is hideous, we don't think badly of the model, but of the designer. If I claim to be a follower of Christ, but I'm wearing the world's all-about-me, selfish, feel-good version of love, what kind of message am I delivering? I must "put on" God's kind of love and throw off the world's kind of pseudo-love. And that made me think of this verse: "...it is plain that you are Christ's letter... not written with ink but with the Spirit of the living God; not on stone tablets but on tablets that are hearts of flesh." (2 Cor 3:3) Whatever we do, we are Christ's letter to the world. Am I what He wants to be saying?

A dear friend reminded me recently that we're called to be servants. To love by serving others. We're not called to easy, trouble-free lives. In fact, we're called to live hard, love hard, and run to Jesus. That's a phrase Brock's dad used at Brock's memorial service because that's how Brock lived his brief but full life. The phrase has come to mean a great deal to me, but in a nutshell, I'd explain it this way: We are to live enthusiastically for today but with eternity in mind, love whole-heartedly even when it's difficult, and depend on Jesus for everything!

We are only capable of love because God loved us first; He gave us the ability to love. If we claim to love God, we must put action behind our words. God expects to love one another and expressly commands it! (See 1 John 4:21) Loving God includes loving people. We are to love God's children because that's how we show that we love God! If we know God--who IS love--then we will love others. Period. God loved us enough to send His son to pay the price for our sins; isn't it fitting that we sacrificially love others to show our appreciation in some small way?

I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Ask yourself “How has he loved me? Do I really love others in the same way?” Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. Work without love is slavery. ~Mother Teresa

Serving others and loving even those who are difficult might seem too hard for us, but if we have the Holy Spirit in us, then we're enabled to love His way. The first part of the fruit of the spirit is love, so we have love, along with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Gal 5:22) We might choose to ignore it, but it's there and we can't legitimately claim to not have enough patience or self-control... or love.

Love is a choice--it can't be forced, even by God Himself, because then it isn't really love. Jesus chose to come here to earth, knowing what lay ahead of Him, and He chose to die on that cross. He didn't want to (remember His prayer in the garden of Gethsemane), but He chose to do it because that was the only way to save us, and He loved us that much. Love is an action verb! It's not a passive feeling or a bunch of daydreamy thoughts, and it sometimes requires us to do some hard things.

Mother Teresa said, "Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share this joy with all you meet, especially your family." Enjoy your Valentine's Action Verb Day, and go love some folks!!!

"Tough Times" Book Review

I love everything I've ever read by Max Lucado. He has a gift for taking BIG, difficult-to-grasp subjects and explaining them in an easy, conversational tone. Reading what he writes is easy, as far as the technical aspects go, but I often have to take a break to let mull over the profound things he's said. I just finished reading one of his newer books called "For The Tough Times." It's small; short and sweet. As I was reading, I kept thinking of so many people I know who would benefit from reading it. Max tackles some hard questions, like "why did God let this happen?" and "why do bad things happen to good people?" Using scripture, he reminds us of God's power and great love for us, as well as why prayer is so important.

At the end of the book, there is a touching "Prayer for Troubled Times" that made me tear up thinking of everyone I know who has gone through great pain in the past year. It begins:

"Dear Lord,
We're still hoping we'll wake up. We're still hoping we'll open a sleepy eye and think, What a horrible dream. How could this have happened?
We are sad, Father.
And so we come to you..."

If you've experienced great heartache recently, this would be a great book to keep close by, and refer to often. I'm sending this--along with some prayer--to a good friend who is struggling with some things right now, and I hope it will bless her.

Thoughts on Santa

As a kid, I was one of the most devout fans of Santa Claus you'd find, and I believed (really believed, didn't just pretend to believe so I'd still get the goods) wholeheartedly in him 'til much older than my friends and classmates. If I thought of a problem with the practicality of Santa--like how'd he get all the dollhouses for all the girls in the world all loaded up on one sleigh-- I'd think hard on it til I came up with a sound solution. When the kids at school denounced him, I defended him. I was not easily dissuaded.

I don't remember the thought process that brought me to this decision, but one day when I was about nine years old, I very somberly asked my mother to promise to tell me the truth because I had a Very Important Question. She said she would, so I asked: Is Santa real? She told me the truth, and proceeded to tell me about the spirit of Christmas and so forth. I thanked her for telling me the truth, and she thought I took it pretty well. But later, she found me sobbing in my room, squeezed between my bed and the wall. I was heartbroken, grief-stricken; I had lost a dear friend, the world as I knew it had suddenly changed, and those closest to me had been lying to me for years. It sounds a little melodramatic now, but that is genuinely how I felt.

Because of that experience, I never wanted to do the Santa thing. I didn't want my children to feel betrayed like that (though I know my parents meant well!). But it's suprisingly hard to keep Santa out of the picture when friends & relatives start asking what Santa is bringing and all that, so for a little while, I half-heartedly went along with it. I have one photo of Kathryn on Santa's knee, when she was two. We never went again. We never wrote letters to Santa or any of that.

In the following years, I didn't encourage the Santa charade, but I didn't completely discourage it; I was still deciding how to handle it. Then, for the first time in my life, I met people who were completely anti-Santa, and although I didn't --and still don't-- agree that you can't celebrate the Christ part of Christmas if Santa is involved, I did realize that there are some things we tend to teach about Santa that conflict with what we teach about God. For instance, if Santa sees you when you're sleeping, and knows if you've been bad or good, then that means God is NOT the only omniscient being; Santa is, too. And if God doesn't grant all our requests like a genie in a bottle, then Santa sounds a whole lot better because he brings us the things on our wish list, and all we have to do is "try" to be good, at least in December. (But even the bad kids got most of what they wished for!)
Then there's the just plain practical point of understanding that Santa isn't the one who has to pay for the loot. I want Kathryn to understand the value of money, and of priorities as to where we spend it and how much we spend.

Still being wishy-washy because of the friends and family who thought I was mean and horrible if I did away with Santa, I tried some compromises, like the rule that Santa only brings three gifts because Jesus got three gifts from the Wise Men. But last year I decided to formally end the charade. It was not a big shock to Kathryn because I'd been hinting at it for a few years. I found two lovely books to help explain things, both of which would allow for continuing the Santa thing if you REALLY wanted to, but put more of Christian spin on it and tell the story of the real Nicholas and how the legend of Santa got started. Kathryn kept saying things, though, that sounded like she still believed in Santa, so one day I asked her flat out. She said (smiling), "I KNOW, but I like to pretend!" We clarified that this was the case with the Tooth Fairy as well (and we never did anything with the Easter Bunny so that was irrelevant).

So now, we pretend that Santa comes, and we have had some really funny exchanges over the Tooth Fairy being stuck in traffic (since I fell asleep and totally forgot to do the tooth/money swap one night), and we're all happy with it. She still gets presents from "Santa" and Ken still gets to eat cookies and eggnog left out the night before. It's a win-win situation! (And please don't send hate mail! I do not think badly of you if you still do the Santa thing! That's why this post is called "Thoughts on Santa" -- it's just my thoughts.)


(If interested, those books I mentioned are: Mommy, Was Santa Claus Born on Christmas, Too? and Santa, Are You for Real?)

In God I Trust

When Kathryn and I arrived at our voting place this morning, I was very relieved to see that there was not a line outside the door! But even if it did take hours to vote, I still would have done it. (Probably not enthusiastically, I admit!) It truly is such a blessing that we get to vote, and it's wonderful to see so many people exercising that right, as proven by the crazy long lines I've been hearing about!

I admit I don't get deep into political stuff -- I probably avoid it more than I should -- but I just can't stand all the finger-pointing and mud-slinging. Ugh. But this election has got me thinking...

First and foremost: God is in control. He already knows who will win this election, and no matter who is elected to office, God can and will use our political leaders to accomplish His will. Those leaders did not get to where they are without God's explicit okay: "Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God." (Romans 13:1) This means I need to trust in God -- not anyone or anything else. Because I know God placed those people in those positions of authority, I have an obligation to pray for them, rather than talk trash about them. I must also realize that the world is not going to change for better or worse just because of who is President of this or any other country. No amount of jurisdiction can change the hearts of the people. Period.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
(Psalm 139:23-24)

If we want to see change, we must start by examining our own hearts. We must ask God to search us and show us where we need to change. Then as we begin making those changes within our own hearts, we must seek God's guidance on what kind of changes we can make in the lives of others, how we can spread Christ's love to those around us. Even small things can make a big difference: offering a listening ear to someone going through a crisis; helping someone run errands or do chores that they might not be physically able to do; spending time with someone who is lonely; the list goes on and on...

A good friend recently used the phrase "church without walls", and I just love the meaning that phrase conveys. We who claim to follow Christ must step out of our cozy little cocoons and do some uncomfortable things. The church -- not any particular congregation or denomination, but the whole body of Christ -- can't stay tucked inside the pretty walls of our churches all the time. We can and should serve there, and find encouragement and Biblical teaching there, but then we need to venture out beyond its walls to touch lives for Christ. I don't yet know all that He's called me to do, but as I figure them out, I am trying to do them. I'd love to hear some of the ways you're doing this, too!


**Note: Two great books that have inspired me in this "church without walls" idea are: The Debt by Angela Hunt; and Justice in the Burbs by Will & Lisa Samson.

Genealogy Project

I just finished reading "A Thousand Voices" yesterday, and I loved it. I had randomly picked it from the library online, but now I know it's actually the last book in a series, so after I read the rest of my rather large stack of books, I'll be getting the ones that precede this one.

The main character is a young lady who was adopted at age twelve after a really rough childhood, so that aspect of the story appealed to me since we'll be adopting from foster care. Also, this character knows that her biological father was Choctaw, so she goes to Oklahoma to trace her genetic roots. Her search got me all motivated to start tracing my family tree back as far as I can. I haven't started yet, so if any of y'all have done this and have some helpful hints or websites I should try, please share those with me! One of the aspects of our family that I have always wanted to investigate further is my American Indian ancestors. I know that I have Cherokee on both my mom's side and my dad's side. Dad looks more obviously Cherokee because of his coloring; people come up to him frequently to talk to him about it. He said that happened all the time when he went to New Zealand - maybe New Zealanders have a special interest in American Indians? Although my mom's red hair and green eyes look much more like our Irish ancestors, if you look past that at her face structure and so one, she does still have some of the characteristics. I am a mish-mash of the two.

Anyway, someday I dream of tracing back my Irish ancestors and someday taking a trip there to see some of the places my ancestors may have come from, and for an excuse to tour some really great cottage flower gardens - as well as the cottages that accompany them! Their love for tea wouldn't hurt, either, and I have plans for at least one lovely authentically Irish teapot. Ken's family was originally from England, so there's our great excuse to do the same thing - the cottages and tea and such - in England, too! But I also want to find out about my American Indian ancestors partly just because it seems to be such a mystery. Nearly all of the Cherokee and Choctaws in this area were removed back in the 1800's - the Trail of Tears - but some managed to hide in remote mountain areas or possibly just claim not to be "indian" at all if they were mixed race. My family is from Georgia WAAAAAY back, and did not get removed to Oklahoma. My dad has gotten very mixed messages about his family depending on who was talking. Apparently, up in the tiny town of Talking Rock, where he was born, everybody knew that his great-grandfather was Cherokee. One man in particular, a pastor who did a lot of research about the town, came to Dad one day and told him many of the stories and such that he had found out about our family. Those stories all solidified the "evidence" that his great-grandfather was indeed Cherokee. However, when Dad talked to an uncle who still lived up there, he said there was no Indian in our family at all: just "black Irish" (dark haired Irish people). HA! I know that's at least possible, but I really believe that goes back to the prejudices that generation in particular seemed to have against most non-whites, and it would have been scandalous to admit to being anything other than 100% caucasian. So if I manage to prove any of this, it will likely be very difficult, if not impossible.

So, along with all the organizational projects that I'm itching to start (these things tend to build for a while, and then I suddenly turn into a little obsessed whirlwind of organization and decluttering!), I think I'm going to throw a genealogy project into the mix for myself, too! Oh, also, I've been tinkering with my blog a little lately. If you'd like to do a little tinkering of your own, check out this and this for some helpful tips!

The Shack

Click this link to read an excerpt of The Shack.

Last night I finished reading a book called The Shack, by William Young. WOW! I hate to watch movies I've already seen, and I almost never read a book more than once, but this book will be probably be an exception. It's an easy read as far as the length, etc., but very "deep" so I found myself having to take a break every now and then to ponder things. Usually a book this length I'd read in one (non-busy) day, but this took me three days because I'd get a "'brain cramp" (a character in the book uses this phrase) and have to go do something else for a little while before I came back to it. It's hard to tell you much about it without spoiling the plot, so I won't elaborate, but it is a book about God: God out of the box, God as you've probably never thought of Him before. It is absolutely NOT "churchy." Some Christians might even be offended. The reviews I've read on it have been either LOVE IT or HATE IT, with not much middle ground. Is this book without errors? Of course not! It's obviously not the Bible, or even a Bible study. It's just one man's story. So if you read this book simply as a great work of fiction, you won't be disappointed. As with anything, though, if you're open, God can certainly speak to you through it. Ken is reading my copy next, then it's on to my mom, then whoever else wants to borrow it!