Dirty Laundry

I posted this on my other blog, but I'm kinda fired up about this, so I'm posting it here, too:

Hebrews 2:11: “Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.”

Why do we hide our “dirty laundry” from each other? Why are we afraid to let each other know about our disfunctional families, the cousin in prison, the alcoholic father, the bulimic sister? Why are we ashamed of the “sins of our fathers? Jesus didn’t hide anything. True, his dad was God. But humanly, he came from a long line of disfunctional folks and big-time sinners. Prostitutes, murderers, adulterers, and the like. Do we claim to be better than him by keeping our skeletons safely hidden in the closet?

Jesus already knows all our disfunctions and claims us as his family anyway. Though I am a sinner who comes from a long line of sinners, he is not ashamed of me. In that verse above, Jesus is the one who makes us holy. Which means we aren’t holy to begin with, but he invites us to come to him and become his brothers and sisters. And once we’ve been adopted into the family, Jesus is proud to stand there with his arm around us and say, “Yep, we’re family. We’ve got the same Dad.”

Let's all stop pretending that our lives are perfect. Let's have the courage to answer, "How ya' doin'?" truthfully, and let's agree not to ask unless we mean it! Let's not keep everything swept under the rug. Let's just admit that we all need help sometimes, and life is often really hard, and it's OK to let each other see the dust-bunnies and messy parts of our lives. Only then can we help each other along the road of life. Are you with me?



Note: thanks to Kysha's comment below, I found another great blog that hosts "Thirstin' for the Word Thursdays", so I've posted this over there, too.

We like Lilly!

Yesterday we met our new case worker, Lilly. Our previous case worker prepared our home study and turned it in to the state of Georgia, but then resigned from the agency. We liked her, but never really "clicked" with her. When we were assigned a new case worker, I wasn't sure how that would affect us. But we just love Lilly! Kathryn liked her so much that she didn't want to leave when our meeting was over. I think that's at least partly because Lilly still has her own American Girl dolls; she even brought two of them from her mom's home so that she and her roommate can take them for lunch at the American Girl store in Atlanta! Lilly is sweet, cute, efficient, and enthusiastic. She has refreshed my own enthusiasm about this process! My only complaint about her: it makes me feel old that our case worker is 11 years younger than me! {smile} She's checking to make sure the state didn't need any other info from us, and then we should be officially approved--yippee! [The picture at the side is a lily-of-the-valley; I know it's not the same as "Lilly" but work with me here! I prefer posts with pictures!]

Now onto a slightly different topic, but still related to our adoption...
God has been opening my eyes to lots of things lately. If I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that until just a few days ago, I really didn't comprehend how in the world anyone could allow themselves to get into such a difficult situation that they would risk losing their children. I was guilty of judging all those parents.

In the pre-adoption class the state required us to take, one of the little scenarios we acted out was about a nice, normal family who, through a series of very unfortunate circumstances, ends up having their children removed from the home by child protective services. In the end, they make the required changes and are reunited with their children. The goal of the skit was to show us that the parents in these circumstances are not necessarily the evil child-abusers we imagine them to be. Yes, there are people like that, but most are not. I thought I really "got" that, but now someone I care about is in that situation herself. Yes, she's made some bad choices, but she is a wonderful person. She knows the changes she needs to make; she just doesn't know how to do it. Parenting classes will help with some of the practical matters, but not all. She doesn't know how to set boundaries with people who interfere, and she wants to learn how to choose friends and relationships wisely. There are other issues involved here, but she's trying, and she loves her children very much. [For the record, I am absolutely in favor of taking off our "masks" and not hiding our dirty laundry --please see my post about that-- BUT the confidentiality of others takes precedence over that here.]

Another part of the equation that I now grasp more fully is the child's side of this. During a conversation I had this week, I was in tears as this child's temporary care-giver (a relative) told me about the things the child has said to her: heartbreaking misconceptions about his fault in being removed from his home; his conversations with social workers; and his interviews with counselors. My heart just felt so heavy and burdened for him. It still does. The child we adopt, no matter what has happened to them, will still have feelings--and probably a lot of confusion--about their birth parents. The things that have happened in their young lives will not erase the fact that they did have a family before they were adopted, and that birth family will always be part of their lives, at least in memory. We can't replace their original parents. All we can do is love them; and part of loving them is going to mean not thinking badly of their birth parents, and realizing that those parents are flawed humans just like we are, and God loves them every bit as much as he loves us. I pray every single day for wisdom in parenting, and it is only by the grace of God that I do anything right. I am SO thankful to the Lord for reminding me of this. And even though I can't share specifics about this family, would you please pray for them, and for all families going through similar situations?