Recently I began participating in a fantastic meme called my husband rocks, which is a great chance to tell the world how and why you appreciate your husband. It’s also a great way to remind yourself why you love and appreciate him, and a wonderful way to encourage him! (Men, you can contribute a “my wife rocks” post, too!) One of my blog friends (one of the few men who read my blog, I think!) left a wonderful comment on my most recent my husband rocks post that really tied into some things I’ve been thinking lately, so thank you Kevin! I feel like this is something I need to expound upon (that’s a fun phrase that I just don’t get to use often enough!). 
We tend to take marriage lightly. Many of us confuse lust with love, and think living together is good preparation for marriage. When we do enter into marriage, it’s usually with the caveat in the back of our minds that “if it doesn’t work out (or when the lust wears off), I can always get a divorce.” We know divorce isn’t easy, “But,” we think, “it’s certainly better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.”
It breaks my heart that the statistics for the divorce rate among Christians is no better than the divorce rate among non-Christians. Why is that??? It's because we’ve bought into what the world says about marriage. The truth is, marriage is meant to be about glorifying Christ, living out an earthly version of Christ’s relationship with the church (which is all believers, not just one congregation or denomination!). We should seek God’s wisdom and guidance in choosing our spouse, we should keep our hearts and bodies pure to present to each other ONLY, and we should never expect our spouse to fulfill all our needs; only God can fill that God-shaped hole -- no other person or thing! But the good news is, if you're doing these things, you'll have the joy of an intimate relationship with Christ, which in turn will bless your marriage! A Godly marriage is full of true and lasting joy!
Kevin’s points were right-on: men do have differing needs than women, and I’m not referring to anything physical. We as women have a need to feel loved and cherished; men have a need to feel respected. I choose to encourage my husband and show him respect because God commands it.
Ken really is a “super man” but he’s not perfect, and I’m not either, so sometimes we do butt heads. As a matter of fact, I was kinda irked at him (which in retrospect was entirely my own fault) when I began that most recent “my husband rocks” post, but I chose to obey Philippians 4:8: “...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” By the time I finished that post, I was back to swooning about Ken. You see, in everything that happens each and every day, I have a choice in whether I will think on good things or focus on the negative. If I choose the latter, I will never be satisfied with anyone (including myself) or anything. Often in marriage, we start focusing on the negative, and it begins a dangerous downward spiral. Don’t let that happen! Even if your spouse is getting on your last nerve, find at least ONE thing you appreciate or love about him or her, and think on that. Hold those bad thoughts captive and throw them far, far away!
I am no expert on marriage – I have a failed past marriage to prove it. The sad, sad thing is that we were both Christians, but neither of us knew anything about actually living out a Biblical marriage. Just being Christian parallel to your spouse is NOT enough! Find those verses that speak of marriage, and pray for understanding as you read them. And then, start living them!
Most of us don’t know how to do this because we’ve never seen a truly Biblical marriage in real life. How sad that is! How can we expect marriage to thrive unless we are showing the world what God’s true intention was when he created marriage? Christians, if you are married, you have an obligation to model a Biblical marriage, so get your household in order and live that out for others to see!
This topic is near and dear to my heart, so this won’t be my last post about it. I've never written about it before because I'm not a bright and shiny example of marital longevity; I do however, have a lot of experience in what not to do, and now I've been blessed with a few years experience in doing it right. As I said, I’ve failed at marriage, and here's the very simple reason why – God was not at the center of that marriage. We kept God around the periphery, but our marriage was built on sand (Matthew 7:24-26). Because of that, I experienced a whole lot of brokenness and learned some very painful lessons. When I married Ken, we vowed to keep Christ at the very CENTER of our relationship. Our marriage is built upon that solid rock called Christ; it’s the only way marriage can work. Is your marriage "on the rocks"? Or is the foundation of your marriage built upon the Rock.
We tend to take marriage lightly. Many of us confuse lust with love, and think living together is good preparation for marriage. When we do enter into marriage, it’s usually with the caveat in the back of our minds that “if it doesn’t work out (or when the lust wears off), I can always get a divorce.” We know divorce isn’t easy, “But,” we think, “it’s certainly better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.”
It breaks my heart that the statistics for the divorce rate among Christians is no better than the divorce rate among non-Christians. Why is that??? It's because we’ve bought into what the world says about marriage. The truth is, marriage is meant to be about glorifying Christ, living out an earthly version of Christ’s relationship with the church (which is all believers, not just one congregation or denomination!). We should seek God’s wisdom and guidance in choosing our spouse, we should keep our hearts and bodies pure to present to each other ONLY, and we should never expect our spouse to fulfill all our needs; only God can fill that God-shaped hole -- no other person or thing! But the good news is, if you're doing these things, you'll have the joy of an intimate relationship with Christ, which in turn will bless your marriage! A Godly marriage is full of true and lasting joy!
Kevin’s points were right-on: men do have differing needs than women, and I’m not referring to anything physical. We as women have a need to feel loved and cherished; men have a need to feel respected. I choose to encourage my husband and show him respect because God commands it.
Ken really is a “super man” but he’s not perfect, and I’m not either, so sometimes we do butt heads. As a matter of fact, I was kinda irked at him (which in retrospect was entirely my own fault) when I began that most recent “my husband rocks” post, but I chose to obey Philippians 4:8: “...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” By the time I finished that post, I was back to swooning about Ken. You see, in everything that happens each and every day, I have a choice in whether I will think on good things or focus on the negative. If I choose the latter, I will never be satisfied with anyone (including myself) or anything. Often in marriage, we start focusing on the negative, and it begins a dangerous downward spiral. Don’t let that happen! Even if your spouse is getting on your last nerve, find at least ONE thing you appreciate or love about him or her, and think on that. Hold those bad thoughts captive and throw them far, far away!I am no expert on marriage – I have a failed past marriage to prove it. The sad, sad thing is that we were both Christians, but neither of us knew anything about actually living out a Biblical marriage. Just being Christian parallel to your spouse is NOT enough! Find those verses that speak of marriage, and pray for understanding as you read them. And then, start living them!
Most of us don’t know how to do this because we’ve never seen a truly Biblical marriage in real life. How sad that is! How can we expect marriage to thrive unless we are showing the world what God’s true intention was when he created marriage? Christians, if you are married, you have an obligation to model a Biblical marriage, so get your household in order and live that out for others to see!This topic is near and dear to my heart, so this won’t be my last post about it. I've never written about it before because I'm not a bright and shiny example of marital longevity; I do however, have a lot of experience in what not to do, and now I've been blessed with a few years experience in doing it right. As I said, I’ve failed at marriage, and here's the very simple reason why – God was not at the center of that marriage. We kept God around the periphery, but our marriage was built on sand (Matthew 7:24-26). Because of that, I experienced a whole lot of brokenness and learned some very painful lessons. When I married Ken, we vowed to keep Christ at the very CENTER of our relationship. Our marriage is built upon that solid rock called Christ; it’s the only way marriage can work. Is your marriage "on the rocks"? Or is the foundation of your marriage built upon the Rock.
