Yesterday afternoon we met with our caseworker to review the "Child Life History" report for a girl we're considering adopting. Actually, unless God puts up a big roadblock, I guess I should say we're pursuing this adoption.
We read psychological evaluations, looked at school report cards and attendance, reviewed medical information, saw her birth certificate, learned about her family history, and read the legal stuff about how she ended up in foster care, and why parental rights were eventually terminated.
I won't share all the details because whether or not this girl becomes part of our family, it's just not necessary to make everything public knowledge. I will, however, give you the essentials. "L" (I'll try using this for now since pseudonyms feel so funny to me) is fourteen years old, and has been in and out of foster care since she was eight. The basic reason for her entering foster care was parental neglect and drug abuse. There were no other family members able to take custody of "L" and her brother. Parental rights were finally terminated in July of last year. Her brother, now eight years old, has been adopted by another family. When "L" came into custody, she did not want to be adopted because she was angry about the situation (understandably!) and kept saying she hadn't done anything to deserve being put in foster care. She couldn't imagine that her parents would not do whatever necessary to regain custody of her. Since then, she has come to terms with all of this (as much as possible, I guess) and realized the importance of permanency. Now she very much wants to be adopted, but had several requirements for an adoptive family: she wants a two-parent family; the ability to continue a relationship with her brother; and a family who is involved in a Christian church. We fit the bill, and the fact that she's interested in photography and loves younger kids is even more of a plus.
After reviewing her file, we had a conference call with her caseworker. This, based on my understanding, allowed us to condense two separate meetings into one--which is one of the ways God seems to be removing roadblocks for us. We only had a few questions for him, and mostly just asked him to tell us about her, since he has known her for a few years now. He genuinely seemed to care, and I love the fact that he is an adoptive parent himself. He had taken her to lunch that day before driving her to a counseling appointment, and they talked about us and how "L" was so excited but scared, too. She asked him, "Will they make me call them Mom and Dad right away?" So he asked us that question, and we said that we hope she would feel comfortable enough to do so at some point, but we wouldn't force it, and wouldn't expect it right away. He paused, and then said that was just what he was hoping we'd say. He told us that after she asked him that question, she said--with tears streaming down her face--that she really wants that. I think all of us, including her caseworker, got a little choked up about that.
Towards the end of the conference call, her caseworker said, "So, are y'all busy on Thursday?" I had to laugh about that because I had been praying this week that if she is the one the Lord has chosen to add to our family, that it would go smoothly and quickly. That's quick, all right! Even our caseworker said she's never seen it happen that fast! So tomorrow afternoon, we'll meet "L" in person. Her caseworker will pick her up and bring her to the office where we had our meeting today. We all feel that it would be a good idea for her and Kathryn to go ahead and meet, and if Brandon doesn't have to work then, he'll come, too. Big, exciting, scary stuff for ALL of us! Thank you for everyone who has been praying for us, and please keep "L" in your prayers.
We read psychological evaluations, looked at school report cards and attendance, reviewed medical information, saw her birth certificate, learned about her family history, and read the legal stuff about how she ended up in foster care, and why parental rights were eventually terminated.
I won't share all the details because whether or not this girl becomes part of our family, it's just not necessary to make everything public knowledge. I will, however, give you the essentials. "L" (I'll try using this for now since pseudonyms feel so funny to me) is fourteen years old, and has been in and out of foster care since she was eight. The basic reason for her entering foster care was parental neglect and drug abuse. There were no other family members able to take custody of "L" and her brother. Parental rights were finally terminated in July of last year. Her brother, now eight years old, has been adopted by another family. When "L" came into custody, she did not want to be adopted because she was angry about the situation (understandably!) and kept saying she hadn't done anything to deserve being put in foster care. She couldn't imagine that her parents would not do whatever necessary to regain custody of her. Since then, she has come to terms with all of this (as much as possible, I guess) and realized the importance of permanency. Now she very much wants to be adopted, but had several requirements for an adoptive family: she wants a two-parent family; the ability to continue a relationship with her brother; and a family who is involved in a Christian church. We fit the bill, and the fact that she's interested in photography and loves younger kids is even more of a plus.
After reviewing her file, we had a conference call with her caseworker. This, based on my understanding, allowed us to condense two separate meetings into one--which is one of the ways God seems to be removing roadblocks for us. We only had a few questions for him, and mostly just asked him to tell us about her, since he has known her for a few years now. He genuinely seemed to care, and I love the fact that he is an adoptive parent himself. He had taken her to lunch that day before driving her to a counseling appointment, and they talked about us and how "L" was so excited but scared, too. She asked him, "Will they make me call them Mom and Dad right away?" So he asked us that question, and we said that we hope she would feel comfortable enough to do so at some point, but we wouldn't force it, and wouldn't expect it right away. He paused, and then said that was just what he was hoping we'd say. He told us that after she asked him that question, she said--with tears streaming down her face--that she really wants that. I think all of us, including her caseworker, got a little choked up about that.
Towards the end of the conference call, her caseworker said, "So, are y'all busy on Thursday?" I had to laugh about that because I had been praying this week that if she is the one the Lord has chosen to add to our family, that it would go smoothly and quickly. That's quick, all right! Even our caseworker said she's never seen it happen that fast! So tomorrow afternoon, we'll meet "L" in person. Her caseworker will pick her up and bring her to the office where we had our meeting today. We all feel that it would be a good idea for her and Kathryn to go ahead and meet, and if Brandon doesn't have to work then, he'll come, too. Big, exciting, scary stuff for ALL of us! Thank you for everyone who has been praying for us, and please keep "L" in your prayers.
