This is one of those being real kind of posts. I try to be real in all my posts, but some are just narratives about events and such, so there's not much "being real" to be done.
For the past three weeks or so, my tummy has been rather persnickety. It always tends to be a little sensitive, so I do have to watch what I eat: how much coffee I drink, how much cheese/milk I have, and greasy foods never like me much. It's been extra-sensitive lately, and I was beginning to get discouraged, thinking I'd have to eliminate the small amount coffee I drink (it's even decaf!), our occasional Moose Tracks ice cream nights, anything cheesy, and so on, just like I did back when I had an ulcer at age seventeen. But on Sunday, when I was having issues with my tummy yet again, I had a small epiphany: it's stress.
It was only about five years ago that I figured out the correlation between my tummy issues and stress. Sometimes it was a big no-brainer because I had some seriously stressful stuff going on, but even little short-term things affect it. As soon as Ken and I would be getting ready to go teach dance lessons, for instance, I'd be needing to run to the bathroom... but as soon as we got there and got started, everything was totally fine. I can name a bunch of different scenarios where this is the case, even if I don't actually "feel" stressed. My tummy lets me know.
So I spent a little time thinking, and praying, to figure out what the issue(s) may be, and came up with a few answers...
One: flying to Botswana.
Over. The. Ocean.
I honestly could just cry thinking about it. My friend Angela said her husband wants them to go on a mission trip to Africa, and she has some fears about it. She asked me how I got over my fears so I could go on this trip. I told her I haven't, but I know God will take me through it, and being afraid just isn't a good enough reason not to go. I know this fear is not from the Lord. But it's still fear; just the recent realization that I'm most likely going to have to get out of my seat and go pee at some point during our really long flight made me want to hyperventilate.
Two: Before we head to Africa (in less than a month!), I have a lot to do, and not much time to do it. Like preparing for the session I'm teaching (then there's the whole standing in front of a bunch of strangers while I'm IN ANOTHER COUNTRY to teach the thing!), and going over the materials for the conference we'll be assisting with. I have to familiarize myself with Lindsey's school books and make sure she gets her summer work done. I have to dive into all Kathryn's curriculum stuff and prepare weekly lesson plans. Oh, and I still have to write up her end-of-year summary to keep on file from our 2nd grade school year. I need to organize our school stuff. And the list goes on...
Three: We're adjusting to life with an instant teenager. There are several aspects to this one.
It really is going much better than I could have imagined, but there are things that stress me, like all the 14+ years of mother-daughter conversations I've missed out on. Kathryn is only eight, but we've already had numerous conversations about big things like purity and modesty and living out an authentic Christian life, and a million conversations about smaller things. So I'll imagine the beginnings of these conversations in my head (I do that about a bunch of things!) but I think if I start, I might not be able to stop the words tumbling out of my mouth like some sort of verbal avalanche; I picture Ken coming home from work one day to find Lindsey huddled in a corner of her room because I babbled five or so years worth of conversations in one afternoon.
Then there's the whole challenge of how to homeschool a child I don't really know well (yet), as far as learning styles and how to help her through frustrations and so on. She seems like she is genuinely doing well with all the changes and stresses in her own life, but I wonder if she'll talk to us about it if she is feeling sad about things.
Kathryn is working through some adjustments as well. She loves Lindsey and is very glad to have her as a sister, but she hasn't learned how to handle little sibling sorts of challenges. For instance, Lindsey used one of Kathryn's ponytail holders, and Kathryn didn't mind but wanted Lindsey to ask first. Kathryn says she feels embarrassed to talk to Lindsey abou things like that, so she wants me to run interference. Kathryn sometimes feels left out of things, too, like when she has to go to bed and Lindsey gets to stay up a little longer. It's just a matter of Kathryn having no experience with a sibling. Brandon is so much older, and a boy, and has never spent long periods of time here, so it's totally different. I'm trying to find a balance of helping Kathryn learn how to be a sister, helping both girls to understand each other better, and trying not to make either of them feel that I'm favoring the other.
After my little epiphany, and my acknowledgement of the stress I've been feeling, I picked up a book I'd been meaning to read: Reaping the Harvest by Diana Waring. It's about homeschooling--and appreciating--teenagers. In the introduction, the author makes life with her homeschooled teens sound wonderful. I almost didn't continue reading because I expected to get discouraged about the things I've missed, and I was feeling a bit alone in this because there just aren't that many folks that adopt and then homeschool a teenager. I did continue reading, though, and God used this book to let me know I'm not alone! You see, the first part of the first chapter is about a family with one homeschooled child who decided to adopt one more child, and ended up adopting that one plus her three teenage siblings! Not only did they have the same challenges we have, but more, since these kids were from Russia and barely spoke any English.
After I read those first few pages, I set that book down with tears in my eyes and prayed a big prayer of thankfulness. I gave all my concerns back to Him, assured that not only can He handle it all, but also that He DOES care about every single thing in our lives and He is indeed in ALL the details.
For the past three weeks or so, my tummy has been rather persnickety. It always tends to be a little sensitive, so I do have to watch what I eat: how much coffee I drink, how much cheese/milk I have, and greasy foods never like me much. It's been extra-sensitive lately, and I was beginning to get discouraged, thinking I'd have to eliminate the small amount coffee I drink (it's even decaf!), our occasional Moose Tracks ice cream nights, anything cheesy, and so on, just like I did back when I had an ulcer at age seventeen. But on Sunday, when I was having issues with my tummy yet again, I had a small epiphany: it's stress.
It was only about five years ago that I figured out the correlation between my tummy issues and stress. Sometimes it was a big no-brainer because I had some seriously stressful stuff going on, but even little short-term things affect it. As soon as Ken and I would be getting ready to go teach dance lessons, for instance, I'd be needing to run to the bathroom... but as soon as we got there and got started, everything was totally fine. I can name a bunch of different scenarios where this is the case, even if I don't actually "feel" stressed. My tummy lets me know.
So I spent a little time thinking, and praying, to figure out what the issue(s) may be, and came up with a few answers...
One: flying to Botswana.Over. The. Ocean.
I honestly could just cry thinking about it. My friend Angela said her husband wants them to go on a mission trip to Africa, and she has some fears about it. She asked me how I got over my fears so I could go on this trip. I told her I haven't, but I know God will take me through it, and being afraid just isn't a good enough reason not to go. I know this fear is not from the Lord. But it's still fear; just the recent realization that I'm most likely going to have to get out of my seat and go pee at some point during our really long flight made me want to hyperventilate.
Two: Before we head to Africa (in less than a month!), I have a lot to do, and not much time to do it. Like preparing for the session I'm teaching (then there's the whole standing in front of a bunch of strangers while I'm IN ANOTHER COUNTRY to teach the thing!), and going over the materials for the conference we'll be assisting with. I have to familiarize myself with Lindsey's school books and make sure she gets her summer work done. I have to dive into all Kathryn's curriculum stuff and prepare weekly lesson plans. Oh, and I still have to write up her end-of-year summary to keep on file from our 2nd grade school year. I need to organize our school stuff. And the list goes on...Three: We're adjusting to life with an instant teenager. There are several aspects to this one.
It really is going much better than I could have imagined, but there are things that stress me, like all the 14+ years of mother-daughter conversations I've missed out on. Kathryn is only eight, but we've already had numerous conversations about big things like purity and modesty and living out an authentic Christian life, and a million conversations about smaller things. So I'll imagine the beginnings of these conversations in my head (I do that about a bunch of things!) but I think if I start, I might not be able to stop the words tumbling out of my mouth like some sort of verbal avalanche; I picture Ken coming home from work one day to find Lindsey huddled in a corner of her room because I babbled five or so years worth of conversations in one afternoon.
Then there's the whole challenge of how to homeschool a child I don't really know well (yet), as far as learning styles and how to help her through frustrations and so on. She seems like she is genuinely doing well with all the changes and stresses in her own life, but I wonder if she'll talk to us about it if she is feeling sad about things.
Kathryn is working through some adjustments as well. She loves Lindsey and is very glad to have her as a sister, but she hasn't learned how to handle little sibling sorts of challenges. For instance, Lindsey used one of Kathryn's ponytail holders, and Kathryn didn't mind but wanted Lindsey to ask first. Kathryn says she feels embarrassed to talk to Lindsey abou things like that, so she wants me to run interference. Kathryn sometimes feels left out of things, too, like when she has to go to bed and Lindsey gets to stay up a little longer. It's just a matter of Kathryn having no experience with a sibling. Brandon is so much older, and a boy, and has never spent long periods of time here, so it's totally different. I'm trying to find a balance of helping Kathryn learn how to be a sister, helping both girls to understand each other better, and trying not to make either of them feel that I'm favoring the other.
After my little epiphany, and my acknowledgement of the stress I've been feeling, I picked up a book I'd been meaning to read: Reaping the Harvest by Diana Waring. It's about homeschooling--and appreciating--teenagers. In the introduction, the author makes life with her homeschooled teens sound wonderful. I almost didn't continue reading because I expected to get discouraged about the things I've missed, and I was feeling a bit alone in this because there just aren't that many folks that adopt and then homeschool a teenager. I did continue reading, though, and God used this book to let me know I'm not alone! You see, the first part of the first chapter is about a family with one homeschooled child who decided to adopt one more child, and ended up adopting that one plus her three teenage siblings! Not only did they have the same challenges we have, but more, since these kids were from Russia and barely spoke any English.After I read those first few pages, I set that book down with tears in my eyes and prayed a big prayer of thankfulness. I gave all my concerns back to Him, assured that not only can He handle it all, but also that He DOES care about every single thing in our lives and He is indeed in ALL the details.
