First, a brief update on the status of our adoption: the state has reviewed our file, and we are in the process of providing the answers and/or documentation for a few more questions. Things like: a referral from where we taught preschool (I worked there two years; Ken was there a couple of days a week to work one-on-one with a child who had a form of autism called Asperger's syndrome; updated shot records on Lacy; an updated copy of Ken's driver's license (since the copy they had was before he renewed it); the results from Brandon's TB test (either the doctor's office didn't send it in, or it got lost once it arrived at the agency); and a few more answers to things like how Ken & I were disciplined as children and so on. But all this just means we're getting closer, and that's a good thing.
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Onto the main topic... this post has been ruminating in my little mind for a while now. Although I never have a shortage of words (there's a reason "loquacious" is in my header!), sometimes on the "big" subjects, I have to let the thoughts ferment a bit before I can get them out in a way that makes sense. And let me go ahead and warn you that this is NOT a politically correct post in any way, shape, or form, but it is just burning to get out of me and I hope you receive what I'm saying here in the way it's intended. I pray that the Holy Spirit will interpret these words the way he wants you to hear them.
Years ago in a youth group meeting, I was asked my thoughts on whether abortion should be illegal, and I answered that I believed the legality of abortion was irrelevant because it was going to keep happening until we dealt with the real issues: rape, incest, promiscuity, sexually active teens, extra-marital affairs... and so on. Although I was much younger then, and not very spiritually mature, I think I'd have to say I still agree with what I thought back then. I think we tend to overlook the heart of the matter. Abortion is seen as "easier" than raising a child you didn't plan for; it's "less complicated" than dealing with giving a child up for adoption; it's a way to "erase" a mistake that might derail a high-school student's college plans and her parents' good standing in the community. But none of that is true! It's not easier, it's not less complicated, and it does not erase what happened!
All that being said, here's a question for you: If your beliefs are pro-life, what have you personally done for the cause? I don't mean who you voted for or what organization you donated money to, or anything like that. Those can be very good and helpful things, but they don't constitute personal involvement. Have you offered emotional or practical support to a teenage girl or single mom who made the brave choice not to abort her child? Have you offered your home as a place one of those girls can live during her pregnancy as she prepares to give the child up for adoption? Or have you helped one of these girls learn parenting skills if she has chosen to raise her child herself? Or offered to watch her child while she is at work or school? Have you taught your children the reasons to abstain until marriage? (Truly there is really no such thing as safe sex -- even if you avoid disease & pregnancy, there is major emotional baggage attached.) Or have you adopted a child into your own family?
I know, I know -- big, hard questions.
The thing is, I've started asking myself these same questions. We have a 17-year-old high school senior with a college girlfriend he's crazy about... have we taught him well enough? I hope and pray so, and if more awkward conversations are called for, we'll go there. We're in the process of adopting a child in need of a home, and I am so convicted about this now, but here's the part that has pricked my heart lately... why did we originally make this decision? Without divine intervention or an expensive surgery (and still probably a bit of divine intervention), Ken and I can't have biological kids, and when we married, we were both okay with that. [There are aspects of all this that I'm still praying and searching about, but I don't yet have enough answers to delve into this here.] Then God gave us the desire to have more kids, and after wrestling with that for a while, we pursued the path of adoption. But--back to that big heart-pricking part--would we have made that decision if having more biological children was easily possible for us? Do you know many--or any--families that have adopted because they knew the child needed them, rather than because they wanted the child(ren) to complete their family? (I know just one.) I think we ought to ask ourselves why that is.
In the foster care system in the United States, there are currently over 100,000 children waiting for adoption. That doesn't count the ones who still have the possibility of reunification with their birth families; I'm talking about the ones whose parental rights have been terminated and are waiting for a family to give them a permanent home. People tend to want babies, but often are not willing to take the "baggage" associated with an older child. In addition, there are orphanages full of children (many of them past the easily-adoptable age) in other countries. Statistics say that over 126,000 abortion are performed daily, worldwide; if all the women having abortions today decided to give their children up for adoption instead, would there be enough willing homes to take them all?
It isn't enough to just talk the talk. We need to put our hands and our hearts where our mouths are. I don't want to just give lip service to what I believe. I am searching for specific ways we can take action, and I plan to post information about those things, along with links for more information. But for now, I will continue to search my heart about this, and I encourage you to search your heart as well.
Thank you for so much for hearing me out.
Years ago in a youth group meeting, I was asked my thoughts on whether abortion should be illegal, and I answered that I believed the legality of abortion was irrelevant because it was going to keep happening until we dealt with the real issues: rape, incest, promiscuity, sexually active teens, extra-marital affairs... and so on. Although I was much younger then, and not very spiritually mature, I think I'd have to say I still agree with what I thought back then. I think we tend to overlook the heart of the matter. Abortion is seen as "easier" than raising a child you didn't plan for; it's "less complicated" than dealing with giving a child up for adoption; it's a way to "erase" a mistake that might derail a high-school student's college plans and her parents' good standing in the community. But none of that is true! It's not easier, it's not less complicated, and it does not erase what happened!
All that being said, here's a question for you: If your beliefs are pro-life, what have you personally done for the cause? I don't mean who you voted for or what organization you donated money to, or anything like that. Those can be very good and helpful things, but they don't constitute personal involvement. Have you offered emotional or practical support to a teenage girl or single mom who made the brave choice not to abort her child? Have you offered your home as a place one of those girls can live during her pregnancy as she prepares to give the child up for adoption? Or have you helped one of these girls learn parenting skills if she has chosen to raise her child herself? Or offered to watch her child while she is at work or school? Have you taught your children the reasons to abstain until marriage? (Truly there is really no such thing as safe sex -- even if you avoid disease & pregnancy, there is major emotional baggage attached.) Or have you adopted a child into your own family?
I know, I know -- big, hard questions.
The thing is, I've started asking myself these same questions. We have a 17-year-old high school senior with a college girlfriend he's crazy about... have we taught him well enough? I hope and pray so, and if more awkward conversations are called for, we'll go there. We're in the process of adopting a child in need of a home, and I am so convicted about this now, but here's the part that has pricked my heart lately... why did we originally make this decision? Without divine intervention or an expensive surgery (and still probably a bit of divine intervention), Ken and I can't have biological kids, and when we married, we were both okay with that. [There are aspects of all this that I'm still praying and searching about, but I don't yet have enough answers to delve into this here.] Then God gave us the desire to have more kids, and after wrestling with that for a while, we pursued the path of adoption. But--back to that big heart-pricking part--would we have made that decision if having more biological children was easily possible for us? Do you know many--or any--families that have adopted because they knew the child needed them, rather than because they wanted the child(ren) to complete their family? (I know just one.) I think we ought to ask ourselves why that is.
In the foster care system in the United States, there are currently over 100,000 children waiting for adoption. That doesn't count the ones who still have the possibility of reunification with their birth families; I'm talking about the ones whose parental rights have been terminated and are waiting for a family to give them a permanent home. People tend to want babies, but often are not willing to take the "baggage" associated with an older child. In addition, there are orphanages full of children (many of them past the easily-adoptable age) in other countries. Statistics say that over 126,000 abortion are performed daily, worldwide; if all the women having abortions today decided to give their children up for adoption instead, would there be enough willing homes to take them all?
It isn't enough to just talk the talk. We need to put our hands and our hearts where our mouths are. I don't want to just give lip service to what I believe. I am searching for specific ways we can take action, and I plan to post information about those things, along with links for more information. But for now, I will continue to search my heart about this, and I encourage you to search your heart as well.Thank you for so much for hearing me out.
