Beautiful Baby & Clearing Up Misconceptions

If you have been reading this blog for long, you know I am passionate about the work we do for "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," which is a charitable organization of volunteer photographers who provide remembrance photography (at no cost) to families suffering the loss of a baby. The most common response we get when we try to explain this to people is, "I don't see how you do it." The short answer to that is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). The longer answer is, although I have not personally been through the experience, I have many friends and family who have lost an infant, and many of them have nothing tangible by which to remember their child. I think that adds another level to an already tragic situation.

There are still a lot of misconceptions about these images. Remembrance photography is nothing new; it began back in Victorian times. But when people think of taking pictures of a baby that is dying or has recently passed on, most people don't think these images could be beautiful. I want to dispel that notion -- a BIG thank you goes to Addison's parents for encouraging us to share this slideshow...

I was very touched by what Addison's mom said in encouraging us to share this slideshow:

These photos, and especially the slide show, have been the one thing our family can look to as the bright spot in this terrible thing that has happened.  In fact, [my husband's] extended family was so touched by the NILMDTS organization that, as a Christmas gift to us, they all pitched in and made a donation in Addison's memory. But we all know that behind the organization are the selfless, caring people like you and Ken, who volunteer your time and resources to help families like mine. 

I have to share with you that until we learned of the existence of the organization (48 hours after Addison's birth, and just 15 hours after her diagnosis/prognosis), we weren't sure if we should have our son come to the hospital to meet his baby sister, who was destined to die within days.  We weren't sure if it would be traumatizing or too weird for him.  But once we learned about the organization, it was a no-brainer.  There was nothing I wanted more at that moment than pictures of my two children together.  And those pictures will help [him] remember his little sister as he grows up.

I wish there was more awareness of NILMDTS... The gratitude that we have for the services that you and Ken, personally, and the NILMDTS organization, as a whole, provided for our family cannot be fully expressed.  Thank you again, and if there is anything we can do to help spread the word about NILMDTS please let us know.

Addison's mom and I just want to spread the word about NILMDTS. There are thousands of volunteer photographers across the country, and now in other countries, who provide these services. I wish no one ever had need of this, but if they do, this should be something they know about, so please spread the word. And if you are a photographer, please consider volunteering your services as well.  Feel free to contact me with questions.

The Real Deal

We watched the movie Fireproof again on Friday night. In it, there is a scene where two guys are talking about one of their coworkers, who is a Christian. The two guys don't share the faith of their Christian friend, but they both agree he is "the real deal."

Saturday evening, after we returned home from an afternoon with family (I'll do a separate post about what we did over this holiday weekend), I got a NILMDTS call from a mom whose baby had just passed away (at birth). We headed to the hospital right away.

The baby's grandmother and a family friend were at the hospital with the mom. They were all so thankful that we came out on a holiday, and told us we were wonderful people for doing this. As they said these things, I thought, I want to be "the real deal." Even if I don't have an opportunity to witness with words, I want my life to reflect Christ. I don't want to be a Christian who sits on the sidelines. I claim to be a Christ follower, so my life should look different than those who don't. I'm still human, and I won't ever do things perfectly, but if I give my whole self to Christ, and submit to Him anew each day, then I can glorify Him with my life.

Yesterday's sermon continued along these lines. If we claim to be Christian, we must serve the Lord sincerely and wholeheartedly. No straddling the fence; no Sunday-only Christianity; no other idols like materialism, success, or "the god of personal autonomy," which is doing whatever we want, even if it's not pleasing to God, just because it's what pleases us. Lukewarm Christians make Jesus want to vomit (Rev. 3:15-17). We all have a choice to make: who--or what--we will serve?

I've made my choice...

As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

NILMDTS in Newsweek

If you've been a visitor here on my blog for long, you already know about our work with NILMDTS, how passionate I am about this organization, and how very honored we are to donate our photography services. If you are new to my blog, please read a few of my other posts about NILMDTS.

Newsweek is running two articles on Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep this week. One will appear in print and online, and the other is online only. Please take a few moments to read both articles:

"How Photographers Help Parents of Stillborn Babies"
and
"Stillbirths: How a New Openness Help Parents Cope"

How Many Days?

I have a question: How many days does your weekend have in it? According to the calendar, there is only Saturday and Sunday. Perhaps it's reasonable to count Friday afternoon, also. But that's still only three. And could swear mine had at least six days.

We had our usual Monday through Friday. Most Fridays Ken gets home from work by lunchtime, so it often feels like there are two days on Friday: the one when Ken works (and he still gets in six or so hours of work on those days!), and the one when we do whatever else we're doing that afternoon. This Friday we were called for another nilmdts session. It was the first one I didn't physically go on because there's never any way to know how long they will take, and I didn't have other arrangements made for Kathryn. I'll still be making the slideshow and so forth, but since the coordinator for that hospital always goes along on the sessions, I knew Ken would have an extra set of hands if he needed help.

We started our Saturday with errands, a visit to a favorite coffee shop, and then a morning photo session with a couple and their canine children at a local dog park. We'd never been to that park before and it is awesome! Beautiful, with walking trails, and a playground, and a nice big off-leash dog park called "Waggy World." It was really cold, but a beautiful day. I'd love to take Lacy there sometime, but I don't think she's ready for the off-leash area just yet! Our second Saturday involved going home for lunch, some playtime with Lacy, and a little relaxing before heading out to another holiday family session with five gorgeous kids. Then dinner at a favorite restaurant, and a few more errands. I'm not sure, but I think that might have made three Saturdays.

Sunday began with the exciting news that a good friend was in labor! Then church, some time at home for lunch and a little photo editing. The second Sunday started with a fabulous play date--I mean, a photo session--with an adorable toddler girl and her mommy and daddy. We--I mean, she--had soooo much fun! When we left there, we went by to meet baby Kaley at the hospital, and my third Sunday was the beautiful time I got to hold a brand-new, perfect, precious little girl. I'll share some pictures over on my photography blog, but I'm giving her parents a chance to share first. What a blessing, after all those times we go to the hospital for tragic circumstances, to just go and experience such a joyful time. I cried and cried in the car on the way home because I just felt so blessed to have them as friends, and to have that time with sweet Kaley, but also because all those wonderful feelings made me realize all over again just how truly precious those moments are, and made me feel even more heartache for every parent who has ever lost a child.

I got more exciting news this weekend, though: my cousin Matthew is engaged! I'll have a new like-a-sister-in-law!!! This is a momentous occasion!
By ten o'clock last night, I was exhausted, dozing off on the couch, which is not like me at all. We had a wonderful weekend, but I just still haven't figured out how I had so many days in one weekend!

National Day of Remembrance

Today is the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. This includes all babies who have died because of miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or any other infant death. Please take a moment to pray for all those who have experienced this tragedy. If you'd like to have some names to pray for specifically, Angie at Bring the Rain has literally hundreds of women who have already shared their stories over on her blog today. Or you can visit Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep for more stories from families who have experience this kind of loss.

If you are one of those families, I hope you will find comfort in knowing that many, many people are praying for you today. And please remember that God cares so deeply that he even knows how many tears you've cried:

“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
each ache written in your book.”
~ Psalm 56:8 ~

Highs and Lows

I'm feeling sad this evening. It's been a fun day, but an emotionally draining one, too. We started the day bright and early with a maternity photo session (love those beautiful baby bellies!), and then I attended a lovely baby shower and enjoyed some great time with some wonderful ladies. Then Ken and I were called for a NILMDTS photo session.

Every NILMDTS session is so different. There is no "normal" or "usual." We've served families of different religions, families from other countries, and families who don't speak English. We've photographed living babies as well as recently passed babies. We've been there as life support was turned off. Every circumstance for every baby and every family is so unique and different. Today was the most personally involved I've ever felt, for several reasons, I guess. Partly because Mom was very talkative, very open about what she was feeling; because this was a situation where one twin lived and one did not, Mom's emotions were all over the place. Unspeakable pain and immense joy, all in the space of just a few moments. With one child she'll experience all those firsts, and the other child will always be in her thoughts as she watches the surviving twin reach each new milestone.

Depending on the condition of the baby, sometimes they can't be moved much, especially if they are hooked up to machines and tubes. But sometimes we handle the baby a great deal, and today was one of those days. Holding that sweet child in my arms made it much more personal, too...

Due to the circumstances today, we met the surviving sister even before her mom or dad met her. We photographed both sisters together in the NICU. The only photos they'll ever have together. Such beautiful girls, both with a full head of hair. The one that went to heaven today had hair much like my Kathryn did when she was born. Feeling that soft hair as I put on her little bonnet affected me more than anything else today--thinking of holding my own sweet newborn girl eight years ago.

Please pray for this family, and pray that Sister thrives and gets to go home with her mommy and daddy soon.

NILMDTS Annual Fund Drive

Ken and I are honored to serve as Volunteer Photographers and Area Coordinators for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and wanted to share a way you can help, too. NILMDTS is a non-profit organization that sends a professional photographer to the hospital for families experiencing the loss of a child; this is absolutely free to the families we serve, and we do not receive any monetary compensation for our work with NILMDTS (none of the volunteers do). Our involvement with NILMDTS has been such a blessing to us, and has had a profound impact upon us personally. (Please visit my other "nilmdts" posts to read more about that.)

With the Month of October being recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation holds its Annual Fund Drive for six weeks starting in mid-September and ending in October.

President Ronald Reagan enacted Proclamation 5890 in October of 1988 to recognize that each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States alone end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a newborn child. Reagan stated, "A national observance offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn or newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members... "

If you are able to make even a small contribution to NILMDTS, please know that doing so will continue to allow the organization to provide improved resources, training, communication, and other tools necessary in support of our amazing contingent of professional photographers who provide the gift of free remembrance portraiture to families in need.


Thanks so much,

Remembering Cameron

Oh my goodness, y'all. There are no words, but that never seems to stop me for searching for some anyway.

This morning I have been so blessed by one of the sweet moms of a dear baby we photographed for NILMDTS about three months ago. She found my blog (through our photography website, I'm guessing) and left me a comment on my last post to tell me that she has written a bit of her son's story on the NILMDTS website. If you'd like to read her words about Cameron, go here and then scroll down to the fifth row, the last photo on the right.

Shirley said in her comment that she didn't know if I'd remember her. Oh, yes, we do! Every NILMDTS family and every one of the precious babies we photograph make a huge impression on me. I can see them vividly in my mind and I remember all their names. When we photographed Cameron, the room was packed full of family and friends there to offer support to Cameron's mommy and daddy, who had made the difficult decision to remove Cameron from life support. We took some photos while he was still connected to life support, and as Shirley changed his little diaper, I remember thinking how much we take those "ordinary" moments for granted. She and the nurse put a beautiful little gown on him, and everyone said he looked just like an angel. He hadn't been expected to live after his birth, but God blessed them with three weeks; he wasn't expected to live more than a few minutes after removing life support, but God gave them a couple more hours. The photo she chose for the site (at right) is one of my favorites, too; as soon as that breathing tube was removed, Cameron opened his eyes and looked so peaceful. Mom and Dad finally got to hold Cameron without tubes to get in the way. They could cuddle him and give him a lifetime of love in that brief time. There were lots of tears in that room, but there was a sense of peace and hope, too, because they knew Christ. Shirley says in their story accompanying that photo, "... to Cameron, mommy and daddy love you always and forever and we will see you again!"

Thank you, Shirley for finding me and for your kinds words. Thank you for allowing us to be part of Cameron's precious life. I pray that God will continue to comfort you.


** Note: I don't usually post photos of our NILMDTS babies; however, since Shirley felt comfortable posting this one and sharing it with the world, I will, too. I want the world to know how beautiful he was, and to know a little more about what NILMDTS tries to do... capture a lifetime of memories in just a few moments. If you have a chance (and some Kleenex), visit the Image Gallery at NILMDTS and read a few of the stories there. And say a prayer for all the families who have experienced the loss of a child.

Smallest Wingless

I mentioned a song called "Smallest Wingless" written and performed by a wonderful Canadian music artist named Craig Cardiff. A friend of his volunteers as a photographer for NILMDTS, and he was so touched by the photos she shared with him, that he wrote this song especially for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and has allowed NILMDTS photographers to use this song on the slideshows we make for the families. Several other artists have donated music as well, which is wonderful because it doesn't cost us or the organization anything; that is great since we donate our services and NILMDTS is non-profit. It also prevents any issues with copyright infringement.

I found a link to this beautiful song, and I hope you'll go listen. When you follow the link, you will have to click play. (I advise having a Kleenex or two handy)... Smallest Wingless

Lessons my Heart has learned

I mentioned a while back that I would try to share a bit about how working with NILMDTS has affected me, and what God has taught me through this. It's really rather hard to fully put into words what my heart has learned, but I'll try. It all brings me back to this verse:

Psalm 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place...Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

First, for those who have missed my previous NILMDTS posts, I'd love for you to go read those later, but let me give you a very short version of what this is. "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" is a non-profit organization that sends a professional photographer to the hospital for families experiencing the loss of a child. Sometimes the family knows before birth that the baby has a condition that will not allow him/her to live for more than a few minutes or days. Sometimes it is an unexpected situation. Our goal is to create beautiful photographs to help those families have something tangible to hold on to. A few weeks later, the family is given a CD of edited images from the session, as well as a DVD slideshow set to music. All of this is absolutely free of charge.

Sometimes the babies have already passed away when their photographs are done. Sometimes they may be hooked up to tubes, or on life support. Sometimes they may have some physical abnormalities. I know that to some people, taking these kinds of photos sounds weird. But this the only chance these families have for photos of their baby. They don't have years of photo opportunities ahead, they won't get to watch their little ones grow up.

I was part of a meeting with a local hospital yesterday, discussing NILMDTS and answering questions, and a chaplain was part of the group. He said that parents experiencing a stillbirth or the loss of a newborn often ask him, "Does this count? Can we count this as having a child?" Oh, how that breaks my heart; I am teary-eyed again just thinking about it. That is exactly why I want to do this! YES, it counts! This was your baby!!! And I want to give them precious photos so that they can point to that beautiful photo on the shelf or watch that DVD again, and say, "That's my baby. He's in heaven now." Did you know that in many states, including Georgia, stillborn babies do not get a birth certificate or equivalent? No wonder parents ask that heart-wrenching question! But there is a petition to change this. Go HERE to find out more or to sign the petition.

One of the lessons I have learned is just how precious life is. Whether that life spans 90 years or just a few fleeting moments, life is precious. When I photograph a tiny perfect baby born at 24 weeks gestation who has hung on and fought for his little life for weeks after his birth; when I see first-hand the grief his parents have for the child they'll never bring home; when I see his NICU "roommate" actually make it, then I truly realize what a tragedy abortion really is. I don't say this to condemn anyone, but these experiences have made me even more pro-life than I already was; my heart breaks for all those who, for whatever reason, chose abortion as what they believed to be the best option.

Another thing my heart has learned is this: our bodies really are just temporary. When I am posing a little baby who has passed on, I treat his little body with gentleness and respect, but I know that baby is really already in the arms of Jesus. Just a few years ago, doing this might have shaken my faith, but somehow, God has used this to strengthen my faith instead, and I praise him and thank him for that. I'm also learning never to take anything for granted; I still have trouble actually putting that into practice on a daily basis, but I'm trying.

This would be way too hard, way too painful, way too stressful (because obviously we don't get a second chance to re-do these photos) without Christ living in me and through me. The first and foremost reason we do this is to let Jesus love others through us. A bereavement photography session is not the time to share the gospel with words, but we sure hope to share it through our actions. We also do this for every friend, every loved one who has grieved the loss of a child: families at church; my aunt's twin baby boys born too soon; friends who have suffered miscarriages...

Recently I learned that a friend of mine had experienced a loss I never even knew about, and she shared this with me in an email:

"... I love what you and Ken are doing with the photography for the families of dying babies. [We] lost a baby in 1989 to polycystic kidney disease and I did not even get to see him...let alone have a photo of him. The hospital, doctors, family, etc all frowned on us even holding or seeing him since he was stillborn. I am so touched that you are strong enough and talented enough to capture those precious moments that I only wish I could regain... "

If you have personally experienced such a loss, please know that my heart grieves for you, and you are often in my prayers. There is also an area on the NILMDTS website especially for grieving parents; I've heard great things about the online forum for families, and encourage you to join, especially if you don't already have a local support group. NILMDTS now has affiliate photographers in all 50 states and several other countries, but some areas don't have enough to meet the need. If you are a photographer, please consider volunteering your time and talent.

My Loaves & Fishes

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

I tend to compare myself to others. I know I shouldn’t, but I still do. Since God is still working on me, I expect to get better about that eventually. What I have to remind myself is that everyone has different gifts. I can’t be good at everything, BUT I can use whatever gift God gave me to glorify him. I can let him use me to bless others. One of the things I’ve been wanting to do more of is write, but I feel lost as to where to start, so I blog as a creative outlet. But blogging doesn’t seem like anything special, certainly not anything good enough for God to use. He has, though. In fact, I feel very honored and humbled because yesterday I followed a comment on my “counting tears” post, and the commenter wrote on her own blog that God used me to speak directly to her heart and answer a specific prayer. Wow. That touched me so much. There have also been others who have left the most wonderful comments or sent me emails about something I’ve said in a blog post that touched them in some way. I've been taught yet again that I should never underestimate what God can do.

The only things I can remember being passionate about doing were: becoming a mom (did that!), teaching (doing that with homeschooling!), writing (just not all those dreaded lit class papers!), and photography. I’ve loved photography for as long as I can remember, but no one in my sphere of influence thought it was a “real job”, so I never tried to do it in “real life”. Over the years, I did keep it up as a favorite hobby, and after much discussion and encouragement, my husband convinced me that we should start a photography business--and we did, last December. This first year, we’re really just gearing up and trying to discover exactly where our passion is, so that next year we’ll really try to kick it (the business) into gear. But here again, I wondered how taking pictures of people would really glorify God. Sure, creating tangible memories is a wonderful thing, and the photographs in my own home do bless me daily. I still felt like it was sort of “lesser” talent, though. That was until we discovered NILMDTS. This really is something that blesses families going through probably the most difficult and painful moments of their lives, and God has chosen to allow us to be part of this blessing. Again, I’m amazed and humbled. (Please take a few minutes to read my previous post about NILMDTS. Since I wrote that post, we've had two more NILMDTS sessions.)

Each day when I wake up, I thank God for another day, and I ask him to use me today to bless somebody. I will continue to ask God to help me use all the gifts he’s given me, even those that seem insignificant. I know he will, if I let him. I may not have much to offer, but if I bring God my little lunch of loaves and fishes, then he can make a feast out of it. Not long ago, I found that Erma Bombeck quote near the top of my sidebar. It also resides on the bulletin board next to my computer. I want to live by it. I want to be able to say to God someday, that I used every single bit of talent he gave me and didn't let any of it go to waste.

Visit Celeste for more of this week's "Thirstin' for the Word."

Memorial Day Thanks

Normally, I post something nearly every day, but I'm a little thrown off right now because we were called to do another NILMDTS session for a baby in the NICU at a local hospital on Saturday morning. He was born premature, and held on for 6 days, but didn't make it. My heart breaks for his family. After we returned home from doing this session, my heart was too heavy and my mind too scattered to write much of anything. I have only just started working on his photos; they'll need a little PhotoShop done, and then we'll start working on the slideshow for his family. I can only work on them a little at a time because it tends to be emotionally draining. Sometime later, when I can organize my thoughts about this a little better, I want to share what lessons these sessions have imprinted on my heart.

Now onto today's topic... The photo above isn't great quality because it is just a photo of a photo; it was taken before I went digital, and I can't seem to find the negatives. This is Kathryn at 8 months old (Memorial Day of 2001) sitting next to the memorial marker for my great-uncle George Walker. He was taken prisoner during WWII and died when the ship he was on (as a POW) was sunk. He was lost at sea, but his marker is here in the Marietta National Cemetary. As far as I know, he is the only relative I have who actually died in service to our country, but many of my relatives have served. To them, and to all those past and present who protect our country and help preserve the freedoms we have, I want to say a big THANK YOU!

Ken got a beautiful sunrise photo at the National Cemetary this morning.

As I think today about all those who have made the ultimate sacrifice of giving up their lives for us, I also have to think of the One who made THE ultimate sacrifice for all of us: Jesus Christ. I hope and pray that I will live my life in a way that will bring glory and praise to him because that's the only way I can thank him for what he did for me on that wonderful cross.

I promise to be back to my normally perkier posts by tomorrow. Have a wonderful day, and please go hug a soldier and thank your Savior.

Remembering Courage

I don't usually post anything specifically related to photography here on this blog, because we have another blog for our photography business. But I feel strongly about this and want to spread the word, so I've decided to post about it here, too. Besides, this really isn't about the business or about photography in general; it's about allowing God to work through us to bless hurting families.

We are members of an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. NILMDTS sends a professional photographer to the hospital to provide a free photo session (and a CD of photos from the session) to families who are experiencing the loss of a child. Often it's a situation where the parents know that their baby has a condition which will only allow the child to live a few hours, or even just a few moments after the child is born, but sometimes it may be an unexpected situation. Either way, this is their only opportunity to have portraits of their baby. Some people may think it's weird to do these kinds of photographs, but most of those who have experienced this kind of loss understand that having these tangible memories helps them grieve, and helps them heal.

We have only been members of NILMDTS for a couple of months, and have been called to do one session. To protect the family's privacy, I'll call the baby "Courage", since that's the meaning of her name. Courage was born premature (at 29 weeks gestation) and suffered a major stroke at birth, which left her brain dead. When we were called, she was about two weeks old. Her parents had made a gut-wrenchingly difficult decision, and had just removed her from life support. Beautiful, tiny baby Courage was still living at the time we took her photographs, but she passed away shortly after we left the hospital. It was heartbreaking to know how limited her time with her family would be. When the session was over, her parents thanked us, but we felt like we should thank them. They had allowed us to share such an intimate moment in their lives.

For families in this kind of tragic situation, these are not just photos. Those photos are the only tangible memories Courage's family has of their sweet daughter. I want to share an excerpt from an email that her father sent me after they received their CD of images and DVD slideshow. He said,

"...we are so thankful to you all for creating such beautiful memories for us. These memories are all we are left with now. God Bless you all..."

There are volunteer photographers in most states and in many other countries. Please spread the word about this wonderful organization, and if you are a photographer, please consider volunteering your services, too.